Jun Akiyama Wins GHC Title.
Hell yeah.
That's actually it. I haven't watched the match yet.
Mickey Rourke doesn't win Oscar. Will most likely do Wrestlemania.
Here to talk about this outcome is senior awards editor Stephen Tremoni...
Stephan: Uhh...I thought both movies were average at best.
Me: Wait, aren't you...
Stephan: What? Am I what?
Me: Umm...a wrestling fan?
Stephan: ...I hate you.
There are three reasons why I'm not shocked by this outcome.
1. The academy and Hollywood hates Wrestling. I have no idea why, perhaps because it's a more sleazy industry than Hollywood is.
2. Sean Penn kisses enough ass in Hollywood to get more awards that you can imagine.
3. The academy is corrupt beyond belief. They give Final Fantasy VII Advent Children zero nominations and they give whatever Disney/Pixar crap that comes out a bunch of nominations every year.
One thing is true though...Slumdog Millionaire was lackluster. And The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button is a Forrest Gump knockoff.
On a related note...
The Watchmen sucked.
Seriously, just go get the graphic novel instead. Jamie read the graphic novel afterwards and said "Wow, that movie was horrible."
Early reviews are very negative. This graphic novel was never going to translate well to a movie. If you want me to go on I will, but I'm to tired from watching bad actors deliver the lines in a very unconvincing fashion. If I wanted that, I'd go watch the spiderman movies.
Taken is okay though. It's good for the kind of movie it is...
Wait, isn't this newsletter supposed to be about combat sports?
Verne Gagne shoots again.
Oh come on. I made the "Daniel Benoit should have tapped joke."
I don't have the time of the effort to go through this case and use my legal knowledge. But I will say this. One of three things is going to happen.
1. They will book him for First Degree Murder.
2. Through some technicality they will only be able to book him for voluntary manslaughter.
3. Nothing will happen because he has dementia.
TNA gets highest rating for average show.
God dammit. I seriously hate every TNA fan out there.
Yoshihiro Akiyama signs with the UFC.
When asked, he said "I'm going to follow Takeshi Tanahashi and get my win back.
Hey just for fun, let's google Takeshi Tanahashi.
Holy shit...
TAKESHI HAS A FACEBOOK?
WHAT THE FUCK?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU ANYMORE.
Anyways, this greatly heightens The UFC's position in Japan and Korea. But we all know the real question, when is Yoshihiro Akiyama and Takeshi Tanahashi going to fight again...well, we asked the man himself...
Me: So when will you be fighting Akiyama again?
Takeshi: Well I fight at 155 now...so...
Me: Takeshi, why are you ducking Yoshihiro?
Takeshi: ...Umm...
Me: Is it because you're a bitch?
Takeshi: No.
Me: Is it because you're gay?
Takeshi: ...No.
Me: Because I mean you know, Stephan's gay, and a wrestling fan.
Takeshi: Yeah I know.
Me: So you wouldn't?
Takeshi: Maybe.
Me: Maybe?
Takeshi: Maybe, as in maybe I'd watch him do things to himself.
Me: I can't wait to google your name after that happens.
...Wait...what were we talking about?
Oh yeah that's right. Akiyama's been offered a few fights and looks to make his UFC debut in either June or July.
Strikeforce books a bunch of matches.
But none really as enthralling as whatever they book Kimbo Slice for in May. First it was going to be Bob Sapp, but that might not happen now. But I heard that someone in production was told to get a Kimbo Slice promo video ready.
So using the Buys Meter let's take a look at the upcoming April 11th card.
Frank Shamrock Vs. Nick Diaz: $$$$$
Josh Thompson Vs. Gilbert Melendez: $$$$
Scott Smith Vs. Benji Radach: $$
Joe Riggs Vs. Jake Shields: $$
News:
WWE:
Hulk Hogan said he would be wrestling at Wrestlemania on Twitter. Hulk Hogan has a Twitter? Well he does do a lot of it.
Scotty Goldman and Manu were both cut a while back. Both were cut before Sim Snuka who is fucking awful.
TNA:
Bobby Roode signed a 5-Year deal with the company. Why, I have no clue.
UFC:
Quebec is run by idiots.
Other Wrestling:
Chyna is doing another sex tape. What the fuck?
Randy The Ram's steroid dealer was arrested for selling drugs. Way to stay in character.
Confessions of an Indy geek.
By Lyn Sullivan
The one time I worked a show with Matt Hardy he was a total jerk. Way worse that AJ Styles. At least like AJ talked to people despite his stupidity. Matt looked down on everyone there, like he was too good for this. Someone yelled "Well fine then, leave if you think that." To which Matt said something about how people came to see him.
The show drew 500. Only a slight increase from the previous show the promotion ran.
Sucks to be Matt Hardy.
My very brief interview with CM Punk.
Me: Thank you for doing this interview Mr. Punk.
Punk: Thank you.
Me: Now, please explain what you are doing here.
Punk: Well, we were in Oakland on Monday and uh...I have a friend in town that I went to school with in Chicago. And I was seeing him.
Me: And now you've been bombarded by me.
Punk: I feel like I'm on Bill O'Reilly
Me: What do you think of those dirty democrats?
Punk: *Smiles* Thank god there's no camera here or else I'd hurt someone.
Me: Punk why are you acting like a communist? Do you support terrorism?
Punk: *Smiles* That's not the first time someones said that to me.
Me: I've been limited to one minute so I'll make this quick. What are your thoughts on your feud with William Regal?
Punk: It's been a lot of fun. Regals' hands down one of the best. I'm happy to be able to work with him and we've gotten to have some great matches.
Me: So you must be excited for Wrestlemania.
Punk: Yeah. It's going to be insane wrestling in front of that many people. I made my debut at Ford Field in front of 80,000 or however many it was.
Me: Well actually you technically made your debut in Chicago...You have a good memory you should know that...
Punk: Damn, I just got served.
Me: I'm sorry, please don't hate me.
Punk: Well technically you are right But anyways, it's going to be exciting.
Me: So when will you piss of The WWE and leave to go into MMA?
Punk: Umm...probably never. I don't like getting my nose broken
Me: Well I hope you have a good match at Wrestlemania and I think I'll be there.
Punk: Oh cool awesome.
Me: Just look for the girl in like, row 8 with the Kawada shirt on.
Punk: You'll be the only girl there.
Me: Thank you Punk.And next time you win the world title I hope you can play "Never Gonna Give You Up" as you celebrate to piss of the Internet even more.
Punk: No problem.
Well that was fun. I didn't want to get to close to him for fear he might try to do me and I catch herpes. But of course I'm not going to tell him that because it's CM Punk.
Thanks for reading.
No comments:
Post a Comment