THIS WEEK IN COMBAT SPORTS ISSUE 25~!: THE PHOENIX AND WOLF HELD THIS ISSUE UP A MONTH AND IT SOUNDS LIKE A SUPERNATURAL ZOO EDITION~!

THIS WEEK IN COMBAT SPORTS ISSUE 25~!: THE PHOENIX AND WOLF HELD THIS ISSUE UP A MONTH AND IT SOUNDS LIKE A SUPERNATURAL ZOO EDITION~!

PM Tag.

Hey, just a dumb question, just how close are the wrestling threads are to getting closed down?

Sullivan.

Honestly, you guys have way too many of them. Maybe you can just have one for each promotion? The behavior of some of you is well...you know some of those people as well as I do. There are some of you that really should act better but are fine, and there are some that need some growing up to do.

And if you're going to publish this PM in that newsletter of yours, because I know you will, or put it in the threads, please don't publish my name. I don't need 50 of you asking me what's going on.

Mod on the Adult Swim Boards. Name withheld by request.

Have you actually read my newsletter?

It's just that we go off topic a lot.

What about the ASWF threads?

-Sullivan.

Meh...it's alright...I know nothing of the subject matter.

Yeah, that's an issue. And yet you all yell at each other to stay on topic like what the hell. Do some of you not remember you're own posts?

As for those ASWF threads, we the mods have decided that we usually don't bother checking them because we don't exactly know what they are supposed to be. I don't get it, I don't want to get it, but some of you seem like responsible adults. Some of you. Then again, I'm a mod on an Internet message board, I don't think it can get lower than that. So all in all as long as you don't do anything horrible you'll be fine.

Same mod. Name withheld by request.

To be fair...I don't remember most of my own posts. Had this problem for a while. A hoot it was.

After a while, figured it out. Pure blarney.

Is anyone there?

Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.

Well Lilith's out, because she's anemic. Kinda badly actually. So send her an E-Mail wishing her well at LilithSullivan AT Gmail.com

So I'm back. Which means I do this, and Gerweck and other things. But for those of you who are wondering, she'll still be doing MMA previews with me sometimes on Gerweck.

A brief update.

I've moved to San Jose, Ca.

That's about it actually...

Well then...

What I've been doing other than putting together a new newsletter.

Remember when I actually used to do this every week?

Playing Left 4 Dead.

Playing NHL 09.

Playing Formula One Championship Edition.

Working.

Not doing a new newsletter.

Sonning idiots who call themselves "The lamb of god." Seriously, fuck off.

Covering MMA for Gerweck.

Umm...I had an idea for a promo in the ASWF...also if you read my TUF report a few weeks ago, I actually mentioned the promotion and linked a promo of Lyn's that I referenced earlier in the column. So congratulations, I just gave you 10,000 times more exposure than you've ever had. You're practically celebrity's at this point (Not really)

Yelled at our old doctors.

Almost smoked a cigar with our new doctors.

Umm...that's about it actually.

Wrestlemania 25.

Wait...

Wrestlemania: 25th anniversary...

Wait what?

2009-1985=24.

Wait what? What? WHAT? WHAT~!?

IS THIS REALLY NESSACARY? ISN'T THIS PROMOTION RUN BY ADULTS? CAN THEY NOT DO FUCKING BASIC MATH?

Ugh whatever...

1. Cloud Strife won Money in the bank for a second straight year. Highlights include Shelton Benjamin doing a senton off the top of a ladder that was about 20 feet high. Shelton does a senton off a ladder that's 20 feet high, and only Kofi catches him. The sea parted like the red sea. But Hornswaggle does a dive off of the top and EVERYBODY catches him. What the fuck? Lots of high risk spots but no tettertotter thank god. Finish came when Kane threw Christian off and CM Punk Kicked Kane off for the win. I'm guessing he used it to get revenge on Randy Orton.

Then Kid Rock sang a bunch of songs. I didn't watch this, because Kid Rock sucks.

2. Santino won a 25 woman battle royal. this sucked. They had the announcers play dumb like they didn't know who Santino was. Despite the fact he wore a unibrow. See this kids? This is why UFC is gaining buyrates and WWE is falling. Anyways, if you want an accurate description of this match, take 15 blond models, and a few other random whores, and have them cat fight for about 10 minutes. Stupid.

3. Chris Jericho defeated Roddy Piper, Jimmy Snuka and Ricky Steamboat in a handicap match. This was...bad. It was flawed in execution in every way. First of all Snuka couldn't;'t do anything. Piper at least tried actually. Steamboat actually looked like he could still go. And as proof, he was on Raw wrestling in a tag match the next night. Anyways, Jericho beat them all, and then Mickey Rourke came out and hit Jericho, but Rourke looked bad here, and he barely connected with Jericho. this was also kinda stupid.

4. Matt Hardy defeated Jeff Hardy in an Extreme Rules match. Supposedly they were told that they were going to have more time, and that they were expecting to steal the show. Are you kidding me? Anyways, this kinda sucked too, because it was all Jeff Hardy getting offense in , and then he missed a move and Matt Hardy got the win. This kinda sucked too.

5. Rey Mysterio defeated JBL to win the Intercontinental Title. JBL attacked Mysterio before the bell, but Mysterio hit JBL with a dropkick, a 619 and a splash off the top to win. JBL got all pissed and said "I quit." he is not expected to be back. He's got projects with his energy drink and is taken a interest in OVW and Vyper Fight League, which is a new MMA promotion running out of The Davis Arena ran by Danny Davis of OVW and JBL.

6. The Undertaker Defeated Shawn Michaels. This was a fantastic match. They meant every move to look like it meant something. Interesting points were Taker going for a dive on the outside, Michaels pulled a camera man in the way and then Taker ended up landing on his back on the camera man. In all seriousness, this was scary. Taker then hit the tombstone and Michaels kicked out. Crowd was going nuts over this. Michaels then hit the Sweet Chin Music out of nowhere and then got a nearfall. Finish came when Michaels tried a Moonsault from the top rope and Taker caught him and hit him with the tombstone for the win. great match. Probably the best match WWE has had in many years.

7. John Cena Won The World Heavyweight Championship by beating The Big Show and Edge in a triple threat match. This was lackluster. The crown was burned out and it was no different from any TV triple threat match. finish came when Cena picked up both Show and Edge for a FU. Edge rolled off, he gave an FU to show and then hit Edge with an FU and pinned Show. Don't ask me why. This was lackluster.

8. Triple H beat Randy Orton to retain the WWE Championship. This was also boring. not because the match itself was bad, it actually was okay, but the crowd was tired at this point. And thus they gave it no reaction. I think that it as stupid that after that big feud, that they ended up having a wrestling match. Finish came when Triple H hit Legacy with a sledgehammer and then pinned Orton with it. The Sledgehammer was supposed to be illegal. What the hell. this sucked.

So all in all, if you paid for this show, I feel sorry for you.

Strikeforce: A Quick Recap.

So here's what happened as I was doing live coverage at the end of the main event I got logged out and it deleted everything I wrote just about, needless to say I was pissed. So then i did another report and this is a third report. So needless to say, I will keep this brief.

Brett Rogers looks green as all hell. But he still looks like he could beat Kimbo.

Missing weight by 7 pound (Cristiane Santos) is unforgivable. So they are now going to give her possibly a title shot What the hell?

Since Kali likes Kane, I get the feeling she'd like Benji Radich, because he looks like a mini Kane in Fuchsia tights. Also, he does a good job of jobbing to the big star.

Scott Smith really looked good.

Gilbert Melendez looked good, let's see hoe he performs in a rematch against Josh Thompson.

Frank Shamrock looked bad here, like against Cung Le, he looked like he was getting beat, but in the third round he was starting to really turn it on. But he just got destroyed here.

"Hey You Marks." By Lyn Sullivan.

To all the idiots on these boards, I would like to remind you all that to me ECW was nothing more than a bunch of overrated wrestlers being led by a plastic Jesus in a trench coat, with lackluster action in ring. Sabu. look at Sabu, what a piece of garbage. If Sabu can have one match where he doesn't botch at least two spots, I'll give him $100. Which he probably needs. And I don't want to hear this garbage about how "Well he was different for his time." So fucking what. Dean Malenko and Eddie Guerrero had hundreds of good matches outside of ECW. Paul Heyman sucks. I also refuse to acknowledge the so called greatness of this Raven & Stevie Richards Vs The Pit Bulls 2 Out Of 3 Falls Dog Collar match. What's so great about it? That you threw away 8 months of payoff in a 30 minute match? And why in the hell would Beulah want it to be a 2 out of 3 falls match anyways? How does that give Raven any advantage?

Todd Gordon also sucks. I refused to work for 3PW while I was out on the east coast years ago.

(Editors Note: this resulted in a debate, which whould be released soon. Once Phoenix finishes her part up.)

Baba Wouldn't Book This. By Marcus Leonhart.

Yeah, that's my real name.

Been tired of WWE lately. Booking's been bad. I mean, take a look at No Way Out.

Kofi Kingston gets a shot in a main event and is taken out by Edge. What the hell?

How does any young talent want to stay here knowing that they'll probably never get pushed? I mean, there has been one star made in the past maybe 3 years? CM Punk. And if the talent gets complacent and doesn't care? Why should I?

TNA, whoa boy...let me tell you about this. This is a great promotion. If you haven't' watched Impact in the last few months, don't worry, you've missed nothing, half of the damn episodes involve Mick Foley and Jeff Jarret talking about balls. The rest of the show is Kurt Angle hanging on to what dignity he has left, and Sting being a bad ass at 50. I want to be booked that well at 50. Hell, I want to be in wrestling period when I'm 50. Throw in some horrible gimmicks (Samoa Joe, Suicide) makes this a circus for all. in fact, something about a lot of these gimmicks....kinda makes me want to kill myself...

To talk about the lack of decent booking direction lately, we talked with TWICS booking expert Stephan Tremoni on his opinions on what decent promotions are having good booking.

CHIKARA...I guess? Maybe Dragon Gate? They have BxB Hulk. And he's pretty hot...I mean awesome...I said awesome.

Marcus: I can't help but notice you have a baby in the house. Is it yours?

Stephan: No, I'm gay I bought this baby straight cash....Aww dammit.

Baba Married A Vulcan. By Alanis Timona.

I didn't realize this til Dave Meltzer mentioned it but umm...have you ever noticed that Baba's wife never had like, any emotions at all? She's a straight up fucking Vulcan.

Newz:

WWE:

People hate Jack Swagger. Especially Tim Donst. But he's too busy eating vegan treats from the order to care really.

UFC:

Dana White got in trouble for using a gay slur. Somehow some of you are shocked by this...

Strikeforce:


Next big show is in St. Louis in June. I've been there once, if I never go there again, It'll still be too soon.



The TWICS Really big interview with...JACK EVANS~!

This interview was done a while ago...it was done in of all places, Marcus' front room.

Lilith: Alright, we're here with Jack Evans. Jack, if I may call you that, how's it going?

Jack: Wha sup?

Lilith: Not much just chillin like J.J. Dillion on penecillin.

Jack: Hah.

Lilith: So, we might be seeing you on Galavision soon?

Jack: Yah. Headed down to AAA.

Lilith: Now, I heard that you can't drink the water down there.

Jack: No, but the Tequila's nice...not that I drink it, because Jack Evans is clean...

Lilith: Anybody you want to wrestle down there?

Jack: Umm...to be honest, really anybody, I think uhh...KENTA's coming in for a few dates? That would be sweet.

Lilith: What is there to do in TJ?

Jack: *Laughs* Well, let me put it to you this way, what can you do in Vegas?

Lilith: Umm...pretty much about anything.

Jack: Well that's TJ.

Lilith: Watch you're kidneys. It'll turn up like turistas.

Jack: Like what?

Lilith: Turistas? You ever seen that? Some kids go down to I think Argentina or something and they end up getting harvested for organs. It's a horrible movie.

Jack: No. Actualy you know who's really big into movies is uh...Ruckus. He watches like 5 movies a week. Him and Raven.

Lilith: Raven?

Jack: Yeah. He was saying once somewhere that uh...he goes to see like 3 movies a week.

Lilith: Will you be seeing The Watchmen?

Jack: Uhh...I don't know, maybe I know someone had the comic book or whatever backstage once. Maybe Excalibur?

Lilith: You would know him better than I do. He seems like the kind of person that likes exploding vietnamese.

Jack: Yeah, I remember someone in the PWG locker room really liked it.

Lilith: Well Jack thank you for joining us for this impromptu interview at a friend's front room. Please come back with both you're kidneys.

Jack: Thanks...peace...

I'm still not printing that Dan Henderson interview.

Special Report: Mock WWE Draft:

Representing Raw: Sullivan.

Representing Smackdown: Lilith.

Representing ECW: Phoenix.

Phoenix: No.

Representing ECW: Phoenix's brother Christian.

CK: Are you going to use me in that other E-Fed you're in?

JS: RLB? Yeah. Were gonna be co-owners. You have to do nothing.

LS: Ooh, I want to be a Co-Owner, or a mechanic.

JS: YOU'LL GET NOTHING AND LIKE IT.

Pick #1: Raw:

JS: Raw selects...Nick Heidfeld.

LS: ...what?

CK: He is our lord and savior.

Pick #2: Smackdown.

LS: The Undertaker.

Pick #3: ECW.

CK: The Undertaker.

LS: Hey, fuck you.

Pick #4: ECW.

CK: Shawn Michaels.

JS: I love how this makes no sense.

LS: Is there a salary cap?

JS: Yeah, there is. CK, you're over.

CK: Well, who do I have available?

JS: The Bella Twins and Michelle McCool?

LS: I thought McCool was a package deal?

CK: I'll give her a package.

JS: You know normally we just sorta sit around and drink beer and tell joke's Buzz Killington, but you're kind of a Buzzkill.

CK: ECW drafts...Michelle McCool.

JS: Quick poll, who finds her attractive?

LS: Meh. Kinda. In the kinda like, "She might be a vulnerable gymnast willing to beg for food sort of way?"

CK: Uhh...what?

Pick #5: Smackdown.

LS: Tim Sylvia.

CK: NO.

JS: Well, Kane is on Smackdown.

CK: Wow, what a shock. He get's changed every year.

JS: I have a friend who is a big Kane mark.

CK: So you're friends with Mrs. Kane now?

LS: The idea of Kane having a wife amuses me.

CK: Can you do the dishes Kane?

JS: Kane: *Glares*

CK: Ahh...never mind.

Pick #6: Raw.

JS: Fernando Alonso.

CK: NO.

LS: Dude, you can't keep drafting F1 drivers.

JS: Why not? It would be more entertaining than what we have now.

LS: Jamie's right.

CK: Yeah, but if you had those two on a team? It would implode. Plus there would be too much charisma for me to handle.

LS: Christian's right.

JS: Fine then...we draft...Trigun Cheech.

LS: Awesome.

More next issue.

Thanks for reading.